My ex-boyfriend and I dated on and off for about three years, but he broke it off this summer for good. It's been six months since we've had any contact at all - no texts or calls, no interactions in person - but I still love him just as much as I did when we were together, and I've been absolutely heartbroken and miserable every day since we broke up. I've kept busy, spent time with friends, focused on my own hobbies, deleted him on all social media, and even started seeing other guys, but I can't take an interest in anyone else and I don't feel like I've made any progress in getting over my ex at all. I know everyone says it doesn't happen overnight, but it's been 180 days and I still cry about it every day. I feel like I'm doing everything right; why aren't I feeling any better? When people say “it just takes time,” there’s a reason why they don’t say how much time. That reason is: Nobody knows.

我和前男友分分合合三年了，但今年夏天，他和我一刀兩斷。我們已經(jīng)6個(gè)月沒(méi)有聯(lián)系彼此了——沒(méi)有短信，也沒(méi)有電話，更沒(méi)有面對(duì)面接觸過(guò)——但我仍然像當(dāng)初在一起時(shí)那般愛(ài)著他，自我們分手以來(lái)，我每一天都在心碎、痛苦中度過(guò)。我一直讓自己處于忙碌狀態(tài)、與朋友廝混、專注自己的興趣、所有的社交賬戶都刪除了他，甚至開(kāi)始和其他男生約會(huì)，但我卻對(duì)其他人提不起興趣，我覺(jué)得在忘掉前任方面，我沒(méi)有任何進(jìn)展。我知道每個(gè)人都會(huì)說(shuō)你不可能一夜之間就忘掉他的，但分手至今已經(jīng)180天了，而我仍然每天以淚洗面。我感覺(jué)自己所做的一切都是正確的，但為什么就是好不了呢？當(dāng)人們說(shuō)“時(shí)間會(huì)治愈一切的，”但他們沒(méi)有說(shuō)具體需要多久，這也是有原因的。原因就是：鬼知道需要多久。

I wish there were an equation that could spit out an exact answer for you. Something like: Total months of sorrow = L (length of relationship) divided by π (or 0.5π if you lived together or were married), minus one hour for each healthy hour spent on self-care (the variables you mention, like time spent with friends, hobbies, etc.). But that’s bad math: Broken hearts aren’t medical injuries that take a typical number of months to heal. There’s no correct or healthy amount of time. Every person is an unsolvable variable.

我真希望能有一個(gè)方程，解了這個(gè)方程你就能得到準(zhǔn)確時(shí)間。比如說(shuō)：總的悲傷月份=L（戀情的長(zhǎng)度）除以π（或0.5π，如果你們?cè)钤谝黄鸹蛟Y(jié)過(guò)婚），減去每一次的自我健康時(shí)間（即你提到的變量，比如與朋友相處的時(shí)間，花在興趣愛(ài)好上的時(shí)間，等等。）。但這是一道糟糕的數(shù)學(xué)題：心碎并不是一種醫(yī)療損傷，不知道具體需要多久才能治愈。也沒(méi)有正確的或健康的時(shí)間總量。每個(gè)人的時(shí)間長(zhǎng)短都是不一樣的。

So please, don’t worry about whether or not you’re “doing everything right.” This isn’t a math test that can be checked. Don’t beat yourself up either. Sometimes, you can stress yourself out even more by worrying that you’re not processing things in the “right way,” whatever that may be. Think about all of your friends, and all of the different ways they’ve muddled through bad situations. I bet there’s not one formula.

所以請(qǐng)不要擔(dān)心自己是否“一切都做得正確”。這并不是可以檢驗(yàn)的數(shù)學(xué)測(cè)試。但也別灰心。有時(shí)候，可以擔(dān)心自己沒(méi)有正確的處理事情來(lái)給自己施壓，不管是什么樣的事情。想想所有的朋友，想想看他們處理糟糕情況的不同方法。我敢打賭，肯定沒(méi)有統(tǒng)一公式。

My ex-boyfriend and I dated on and off for about three years, but he broke it off this summer for good. It's been six months since we've had any contact at all - no texts or calls, no interactions in person - but I still love him just as much as I did when we were together, and I've been absolutely heartbroken and miserable every day since we broke up. I've kept busy, spent time with friends, focused on my own hobbies, deleted him on all social media, and even started seeing other guys, but I can't take an interest in anyone else and I don't feel like I've made any progress in getting over my ex at all. I know everyone says it doesn't happen overnight, but it's been 180 days and I still cry about it every day. I feel like I'm doing everything right; why aren't I feeling any better? When people say “it just takes time,” there’s a reason why they don’t say how much time. That reason is: Nobody knows.

我和前男友分分合合三年了，但今年夏天，他和我一刀兩斷。我們已經(jīng)6個(gè)月沒(méi)有聯(lián)系彼此了——沒(méi)有短信，也沒(méi)有電話，更沒(méi)有面對(duì)面接觸過(guò)——但我仍然像當(dāng)初在一起時(shí)那般愛(ài)著他，自我們分手以來(lái)，我每一天都在心碎、痛苦中度過(guò)。我一直讓自己處于忙碌狀態(tài)、與朋友廝混、專注自己的興趣、所有的社交賬戶都刪除了他，甚至開(kāi)始和其他男生約會(huì)，但我卻對(duì)其他人提不起興趣，我覺(jué)得在忘掉前任方面，我沒(méi)有任何進(jìn)展。我知道每個(gè)人都會(huì)說(shuō)你不可能一夜之間就忘掉他的，但分手至今已經(jīng)180天了，而我仍然每天以淚洗面。我感覺(jué)自己所做的一切都是正確的，但為什么就是好不了呢？當(dāng)人們說(shuō)“時(shí)間會(huì)治愈一切的，”但他們沒(méi)有說(shuō)具體需要多久，這也是有原因的。原因就是：鬼知道需要多久。

I wish there were an equation that could spit out an exact answer for you. Something like: Total months of sorrow = L (length of relationship) divided by π (or 0.5π if you lived together or were married), minus one hour for each healthy hour spent on self-care (the variables you mention, like time spent with friends, hobbies, etc.). But that’s bad math: Broken hearts aren’t medical injuries that take a typical number of months to heal. There’s no correct or healthy amount of time. Every person is an unsolvable variable.

我真希望能有一個(gè)方程，解了這個(gè)方程你就能得到準(zhǔn)確時(shí)間。比如說(shuō)：總的悲傷月份=L（戀情的長(zhǎng)度）除以π（或0.5π，如果你們?cè)钤谝黄鸹蛟Y(jié)過(guò)婚），減去每一次的自我健康時(shí)間（即你提到的變量，比如與朋友相處的時(shí)間，花在興趣愛(ài)好上的時(shí)間，等等。）。但這是一道糟糕的數(shù)學(xué)題：心碎并不是一種醫(yī)療損傷，不知道具體需要多久才能治愈。也沒(méi)有正確的或健康的時(shí)間總量。每個(gè)人的時(shí)間長(zhǎng)短都是不一樣的。

So please, don’t worry about whether or not you’re “doing everything right.” This isn’t a math test that can be checked. Don’t beat yourself up either. Sometimes, you can stress yourself out even more by worrying that you’re not processing things in the “right way,” whatever that may be. Think about all of your friends, and all of the different ways they’ve muddled through bad situations. I bet there’s not one formula.

所以請(qǐng)不要擔(dān)心自己是否“一切都做得正確”。這并不是可以檢驗(yàn)的數(shù)學(xué)測(cè)試。但也別灰心。有時(shí)候，可以擔(dān)心自己沒(méi)有正確的處理事情來(lái)給自己施壓，不管是什么樣的事情。想想所有的朋友，想想看他們處理糟糕情況的不同方法。我敢打賭，肯定沒(méi)有統(tǒng)一公式。