Kind ofblue

　　憂郁的本質(zhì)

　　Blue Nights. By Joan Didion.

　　《憂郁的夜》，瓊迪丹著。

　　Few memoirs are worth reading. When they are nottawdry opportunities to air grievances, settlescores or rationalise errors, they tend to be tales ofadversity with a triumphant twist. This is whatmakes Joan Didion unique. Her non-fiction hasalways considered grand matters from a personal perspective, without making herself thecentre of the story. Even when she writes about the hard drama of her own life, such as thesudden death of her husband followed by the death of her only daughter, her stories manageto be larger than her own grief.

　　鮮有回憶錄有看頭。作者們?nèi)绻麤]法發(fā)牢騷、翻舊賬、找借口，就是自吹自擂的往臉上貼金。瓊迪丹與眾不同之處正在于此。她的紀(jì)實類文學(xué)作品常常是從個人視角出發(fā)，思考重大事件，而不是把自己作為故事的中心。即使是寫到諸如獨生女兒死去之后丈夫也突然去世這樣自己生命中艱難時刻，她對故事的經(jīng)營也遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超過了自己的悲傷。

　　This is how a memoir like The Year of Magical Thinking became a bestseller. Inwriting about the year that followed the fatal heart attack of John Gregory Dunne, herhusband of nearly 40 years, Ms Didion used her experience to reflect on the fundamentalabsurdity of death. She movingly considered the way time makes the ordinary gifts of lifeextraordinary. The unmentioned horror of the bookan event that took place after she hadfinished writing but before it was publishedwas that her daughter Quintana Roo was dead,too, undone by a series of health problems that ended with acute pancreatitis at the age of39.

　　這就是為什么像《奇幻思維之年》這樣的回憶錄熱銷的原因吧。寫到她不滿40歲的丈夫，約翰格雷戈里鄧恩嚴(yán)重心臟病發(fā)作之后的日子，瓊迪丹用自己親身經(jīng)歷去反思了死亡最本質(zhì)的荒謬，并令人感動地思考著如何用時間讓平凡的生命不再平凡。這本書還有件未曾提及的慘事這件事就發(fā)生在書已成稿而并未出版之時是瓊迪丹的女兒昆塔斯終于不用再遭受嚴(yán)重胰臟炎的折磨了，去世時僅39歲。

　　With Blue Nights, her first book since the earlier memoir, Ms Didion conveys the lonelinessof living on without her child or husband, and the indignities of ageing. For decades her lifehad been charmed, even more so than she had realised. But in a matter of months in 2003everything turned unspeakably grim. It is horrible to see oneself die without children, shequotes Napoleon as saying. This is a difficult book, but not a sentimental one. Ms Didion hasa remarkable ability to consider her own feelings without letting her prose turn soggy withemotion.

　　而用《憂郁的夜》，這本她早期回憶錄之后的頭一本書，瓊迪丹表達(dá)了失去丈夫和女兒后生活的孤獨和衰老帶給她的侮辱。幾十年來她的生活如同被施了魔法一般，更奇妙的是她自己沒有意識到這一點。2003年的幾個月中，一切變得無法形容的可怖。引用拿破侖的名言，她說道：眼睜睜地看著自己無兒無女地死去是如此可怕。這是一本關(guān)于困難的書，但卻不是關(guān)于脆弱的。瓊迪丹有一種非凡的能力，將沉悶的情緒排除在自己的散文之外，不帶感情地思考。

　　Today would be her wedding anniversary, she writes at the beginning, and then evokes thescene of her daughter s summer wedding in Manhattan in 2003.There were cucumber andwatercress sandwiches, and a peach-coloured cake from Payard. Quintana wore stephanotisin her hair. Ms Didion returns to these details in later chaptersthe stephanotis, thecakeusing this repetition to illustrate the way she is haunted by memories. After alifetime of travel and dynamism, she now appears anchored in New York by the detritus oflife. Her drawers and cupboards are filled with mementoes which serve only to make clear how inadequately I appreciatedthe moment when it was here.

　　今天是她的結(jié)婚周年紀(jì)念日，瓊迪丹在開頭寫到，喚起了2003年夏季女兒在曼哈頓島婚禮上的場景。宴會上有黃瓜和水田芥三明治，從Payard送來的粉色蛋糕，昆塔斯在頭發(fā)上別著千金子藤。瓊迪丹在之后的章節(jié)千金子藤，蛋糕里回味著這些細(xì)節(jié)，用這些反復(fù)的回味闡述了她是如何被回憶縈繞的。終其一生的漂泊與動蕩之后，生命的碎片似乎把她錨定在了紐約。塞滿抽屜和櫥柜的紀(jì)念品只是為了讓我弄明白，這些東西在時我對它們的欣賞是多么地不合適。

　　The appeal of Ms Didion has long been her insight mixed with something glamorous; she isboth of this world and a world apart. Memories here are cluttered with brand names and glittering friends . Theeffect can be distracting, but Ms Didion sometimes uses these details to worry over the oddityof Quintana s life , and also tomarvel at her own naivety. I do not know many people who think they have succeeded asparents, she writes. In regarding herself as a mother, her remorse festers unchecked.

　　瓊迪丹的感染力在于長久以來她能將自己的洞察力與這些極富魅力的東西很好地調(diào)和在一起。她既能溶于世界，又能與世界分離開來。這些記憶與名牌和那些顯赫朋友的名字交織在一起。這樣做能起到轉(zhuǎn)移痛苦的效果，而瓊迪丹有時也因為這些細(xì)節(jié)苦惱女兒昆塔斯生活的不幸，也會驚訝自己天真的本性。我認(rèn)為很多人并不認(rèn)為自己做父母很成功，她寫到。做為母親而言，她的懊悔帶來的痛苦從未制止。

　　Now 75, Ms Didion s gaze is turned backwards. Her recollections meander and loop back,interrupted only by distressing questions that no one is left to answer . Often these questions consider the choices she made as a mother and her own increasing frailty . With Blue Nights, named for the intense and portentous beauty of the dyinglight on a summer day, Ms Didion has translated the sad hum of her thoughts into aprofound meditation on mortality. The result aches with a wisdom that feels dreadfullyearned.

　　已經(jīng)75歲了，瓊迪丹的注意力也渙散了。她的回憶緩慢而又反反復(fù)復(fù)，只有在那些無法讓人回答的悲情問題時才被打斷。這些問題經(jīng)常是思考做為一個母親她的選擇，和她自己越來越多的弱點。借著《憂郁的夜》，這部以某個夏日里生命之光暗淡時的那種緊張而又不吉之美命名的書，瓊迪丹將自己思維里悲傷的呻吟譯成了對死亡深厚的沉思。所產(chǎn)生的結(jié)果是與這位悲傷的智者一起傷痛。

　　Kind ofblue

　　憂郁的本質(zhì)

　　Blue Nights. By Joan Didion.

　　《憂郁的夜》，瓊迪丹著。

　　Few memoirs are worth reading. When they are nottawdry opportunities to air grievances, settlescores or rationalise errors, they tend to be tales ofadversity with a triumphant twist. This is whatmakes Joan Didion unique. Her non-fiction hasalways considered grand matters from a personal perspective, without making herself thecentre of the story. Even when she writes about the hard drama of her own life, such as thesudden death of her husband followed by the death of her only daughter, her stories manageto be larger than her own grief.

　　鮮有回憶錄有看頭。作者們?nèi)绻麤]法發(fā)牢騷、翻舊賬、找借口，就是自吹自擂的往臉上貼金。瓊迪丹與眾不同之處正在于此。她的紀(jì)實類文學(xué)作品常常是從個人視角出發(fā)，思考重大事件，而不是把自己作為故事的中心。即使是寫到諸如獨生女兒死去之后丈夫也突然去世這樣自己生命中艱難時刻，她對故事的經(jīng)營也遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超過了自己的悲傷。

　　This is how a memoir like The Year of Magical Thinking became a bestseller. Inwriting about the year that followed the fatal heart attack of John Gregory Dunne, herhusband of nearly 40 years, Ms Didion used her experience to reflect on the fundamentalabsurdity of death. She movingly considered the way time makes the ordinary gifts of lifeextraordinary. The unmentioned horror of the bookan event that took place after she hadfinished writing but before it was publishedwas that her daughter Quintana Roo was dead,too, undone by a series of health problems that ended with acute pancreatitis at the age of39.

　　這就是為什么像《奇幻思維之年》這樣的回憶錄熱銷的原因吧。寫到她不滿40歲的丈夫，約翰格雷戈里鄧恩嚴(yán)重心臟病發(fā)作之后的日子，瓊迪丹用自己親身經(jīng)歷去反思了死亡最本質(zhì)的荒謬，并令人感動地思考著如何用時間讓平凡的生命不再平凡。這本書還有件未曾提及的慘事這件事就發(fā)生在書已成稿而并未出版之時是瓊迪丹的女兒昆塔斯終于不用再遭受嚴(yán)重胰臟炎的折磨了，去世時僅39歲。

　　With Blue Nights, her first book since the earlier memoir, Ms Didion conveys the lonelinessof living on without her child or husband, and the indignities of ageing. For decades her lifehad been charmed, even more so than she had realised. But in a matter of months in 2003everything turned unspeakably grim. It is horrible to see oneself die without children, shequotes Napoleon as saying. This is a difficult book, but not a sentimental one. Ms Didion hasa remarkable ability to consider her own feelings without letting her prose turn soggy withemotion.

　　而用《憂郁的夜》，這本她早期回憶錄之后的頭一本書，瓊迪丹表達(dá)了失去丈夫和女兒后生活的孤獨和衰老帶給她的侮辱。幾十年來她的生活如同被施了魔法一般，更奇妙的是她自己沒有意識到這一點。2003年的幾個月中，一切變得無法形容的可怖。引用拿破侖的名言，她說道：眼睜睜地看著自己無兒無女地死去是如此可怕。這是一本關(guān)于困難的書，但卻不是關(guān)于脆弱的。瓊迪丹有一種非凡的能力，將沉悶的情緒排除在自己的散文之外，不帶感情地思考。

　　Today would be her wedding anniversary, she writes at the beginning, and then evokes thescene of her daughter s summer wedding in Manhattan in 2003.There were cucumber andwatercress sandwiches, and a peach-coloured cake from Payard. Quintana wore stephanotisin her hair. Ms Didion returns to these details in later chaptersthe stephanotis, thecakeusing this repetition to illustrate the way she is haunted by memories. After alifetime of travel and dynamism, she now appears anchored in New York by the detritus oflife. Her drawers and cupboards are filled with mementoes which serve only to make clear how inadequately I appreciatedthe moment when it was here.

　　今天是她的結(jié)婚周年紀(jì)念日，瓊迪丹在開頭寫到，喚起了2003年夏季女兒在曼哈頓島婚禮上的場景。宴會上有黃瓜和水田芥三明治，從Payard送來的粉色蛋糕，昆塔斯在頭發(fā)上別著千金子藤。瓊迪丹在之后的章節(jié)千金子藤，蛋糕里回味著這些細(xì)節(jié)，用這些反復(fù)的回味闡述了她是如何被回憶縈繞的。終其一生的漂泊與動蕩之后，生命的碎片似乎把她錨定在了紐約。塞滿抽屜和櫥柜的紀(jì)念品只是為了讓我弄明白，這些東西在時我對它們的欣賞是多么地不合適。

　　The appeal of Ms Didion has long been her insight mixed with something glamorous; she isboth of this world and a world apart. Memories here are cluttered with brand names and glittering friends . Theeffect can be distracting, but Ms Didion sometimes uses these details to worry over the oddityof Quintana s life , and also tomarvel at her own naivety. I do not know many people who think they have succeeded asparents, she writes. In regarding herself as a mother, her remorse festers unchecked.

　　瓊迪丹的感染力在于長久以來她能將自己的洞察力與這些極富魅力的東西很好地調(diào)和在一起。她既能溶于世界，又能與世界分離開來。這些記憶與名牌和那些顯赫朋友的名字交織在一起。這樣做能起到轉(zhuǎn)移痛苦的效果，而瓊迪丹有時也因為這些細(xì)節(jié)苦惱女兒昆塔斯生活的不幸，也會驚訝自己天真的本性。我認(rèn)為很多人并不認(rèn)為自己做父母很成功，她寫到。做為母親而言，她的懊悔帶來的痛苦從未制止。

　　Now 75, Ms Didion s gaze is turned backwards. Her recollections meander and loop back,interrupted only by distressing questions that no one is left to answer . Often these questions consider the choices she made as a mother and her own increasing frailty . With Blue Nights, named for the intense and portentous beauty of the dyinglight on a summer day, Ms Didion has translated the sad hum of her thoughts into aprofound meditation on mortality. The result aches with a wisdom that feels dreadfullyearned.

　　已經(jīng)75歲了，瓊迪丹的注意力也渙散了。她的回憶緩慢而又反反復(fù)復(fù)，只有在那些無法讓人回答的悲情問題時才被打斷。這些問題經(jīng)常是思考做為一個母親她的選擇，和她自己越來越多的弱點。借著《憂郁的夜》，這部以某個夏日里生命之光暗淡時的那種緊張而又不吉之美命名的書，瓊迪丹將自己思維里悲傷的呻吟譯成了對死亡深厚的沉思。所產(chǎn)生的結(jié)果是與這位悲傷的智者一起傷痛。